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(For the purposes of this quiz the abuser is male. Most victims of domestic violence are women, but we acknowledge that men can be victims, and abuse can occur in same-sex relationships as well – the abusive behaviors are the same.)
- Your partner accuses you of flirting at a party when you weren’t.
- He loves you so much that he gets jealous and this is flattering to you.
- You try to tell him that it isn’t true but he won’t listen and calls you a slut.
- You tell him you weren’t flirting but he still doesn’t believe you. You know his jealousy is baseless and it’s not your responsibility to convince him otherwise.
- You want to break up, but every time you talk about leaving, he says he can’t live without you.
- You hang in there even though you’re unhappy because you’re afraid he’ll be lost without you and you don’t want to hurt him.
- You break up, but when he cries and says he’ll do anything for you, you get back together.
- You know that this kind of dependence is unhealthy and suggest he get some counseling to help deal with the loss, but the relationship is over.
- Your partner continually sends text messages to you at work and you’re worried it will affect your job. You’ve asked him to stop but he keeps sending them anyway.
- You go to the bathroom to text back every time you get a message and hope your co-workers don’t notice.
- You don’t answer the messages but he starts calling on the phone, and the receptionist is getting mad.
- You firmly tell him that he’s putting your job at risk and if he continues to call you’ll consider getting a restraining order, because this is not the kind of communication that should happen in a healthy relationship.
- Your partner is a great person most of the time, but when he drinks he gets mean and says hurtful and embarrassing things about you in public. He always apologizes later and then goes back to being really nice. When he drinks it’s always to excess and he doesn’t seem to know how to stop.
- You accept his apology -- after all, when people drink they do stupid things sometimes.
- You beg him to stop drinking, but he doesn’t think he has a problem.
- You realize you can’t make someone stop drinking or using drugs, only they have the power to make those changes. If he’s not willing to take responsibility for his behavior, you have to decide what you can do for yourself. Al-Anon/Alateen and the NEWS support group are safe places to go for advice.
- Your partner only wants to do things as a couple and is jealous or angry when you spend time with anyone besides him.
- You’re flattered that he loves you so much he only wants to be with you.
- You feel a little smothered, but think it’s part of growing up to leave family & friends behind when you’re in love.
- You know that there’s no one person who can fulfill all your needs. You cherish the relationships you have with other people and continue to spend time with them and tell him that if it’s “all or nothing,” then it’s nothing.
If you answered C to the questions above, you are on the road to a healthy relationship. The scenarios in these quiz questions are all too common, and can indicate very dangerous situations. If you’re being stalked at work, called hurtful names, or being abused by someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs -- your relationship isn’t healthy. Without professional help, it will probably get worse. NEWS is here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to listen and talk with you about options. Please call us. You can remain anonymous, you can chat with us on-line, or come see us in person at 1141 Pear Tree Lane, Suite 220.
Your life starts with full open doors. As you grow up, the mistakes you make and the paths you choose will determine which door you'll go through. -- Nicholas P., Age 15